Stray dogs leave Commonwealth Games Village due to filthy conditions

New Delhi: After an uproar was created by the advance parties of atleast 5 countries about the maintenance and hygiene of the Commonwealth Games Village, the organizing committee is facing flak from another quarter. The stray dogs living in the village have left the village due to filthy conditions and in a strongly worded letter to the PMO, have asked for the matter to be looked into and resolved urgently. 

"We have provided all facilities to the dogs living in the village. Some last minute issues like infrastructure have to be addressed. It is a trivial matter and will be handled as such. You know, the dogs have a certain standard of cleanliness and we have a certain standard of cleanliness. Just because our standards are less than the dogs does not mean they protest like this." said Kalmadi's No.2 man, Shri Lalit Bhanot (sic)

"There are red stains on the walls, the plumbing is not working, there is a lot of garbage and stray dogs are sleeping on the beds" said a member of the scottish delegation. "In fact the dogs looked very comfortable and we fully support the claim of the CWG that the dogs are well cared for. In-fact we are not even bringing our athletes, lest the dogs be disturbed"

But the dogs have a different story to tell. " We are sleeping on the beds of the athletes and using all the facilities that they are supposed to use and frankly it is below our standards" said Maneka Gandhi, speaking on behalf of the dogs. "Mr. Gill had promised a great Indian wedding and he should stand by it. Let's have some band baja and and food. We will even share with the athletes" she added.

Various people have jumped up (pun intended) and issued statements

"All issues  ( PAUSE )  have been brought to our notice (PAUSE) ( LOOKS AT SCRIPT) and will be addressed" Said Mr. Jaipal Reddy, Minister for Urban Development

"We are going to have the best Commonwealth Games" said Mr. Kalmadi.

 "Sir, what about the dogs?" asked a reporter (@manikmahna) 

"They are going to have the best Commonwealth games."

"And the athletes?"

"Who?"

" These jokers deserve to be castrated in the middle of the road" said a decorated Ex - Army General on condition of anonymity.

"You see, it is the CWG Village. If we provide all the world class facilities then it would become a city. We do not want any change in the mandate at this late stage. The baarat is going to come and the marriage will take place. Guests or no guests" Said sports minister M S Gill.

It still remains to be seen whether the organizing committee can placate both the dogs and the athletes, in that order.

For more you can tune in to the Newshour debate with Arnab Goswami which will be attended by Suhel Seth and Chacha Chudhary's dog, Rocket.

Maoist Leader Kishenji is now on Twitter

Dantewada : In a move that has surprised many, dreaded naxal leader Kishenji a.k.a Koteshwar Rao has registered himself on the popular social networking site Twitter. He will now be tweeting from the user ID @naughtykishen77.

The move failed to shock leading image management guru Dilip Cherian, Founding Partner of Perfect Relations." It is only natural for Kishenji to be on twitter. It is the perfect platform for him to attract a large number of youth to easily influence" He said. "Furthermore, their is a trend today of everyone and their dog also having a twitter account. Kishenji will be able to keep tabs on the whereabouts of leading politicians and businessmen through this medium."

Home minister P.Chidambram has welcomed the move wholeheartedly. " I am very happy that Kishenji is on Twitter. Finally there can be some communication between the government and the rebels. I have already tweeted a Photo of myself holding a white flag. I am also encouraging our senior ministers to join computer classes so that they can also be on Twitter to increase the communication effectively" There was however, no adequate reply as to why the senior ministers of our country need lessons to join twitter. Sources inform that a company co-owned by Lalit Modi's 17th cousin and BCCI boss Shashank Manohar's 4th cousin has already been given the contract for these classes.

The BJP in a move that has surprised no one has staged a walkout and has demanded an Internet Bandh tomorrow whole day. " Why are only the congress leaders being given twitter coaching. We have every right to be on Twitter as well. We are going to write to the president" said BJP Leader Nitin Gadkari

Deep sources within the ministry inform us that a committee will be formed to handle social media interactions with Kishenji and Shashi Tharoor is being considered for the head job due to his expertise generally in communication and specifically in Twitter.

Both Shashi Tharoor and and Kishenji could not be reached for comment but are expected to tweet soon. 

New Symbol for Corruption Announced

New Delhi : Amidst demand by leading politicians, the Congress party announced on Thursday that it plans to introduce a special symbol to denote corruption in the next few weeks.

The introduction of the rupee symbol created a huge problem for the ruling party when several mails asking for a corruption symbol reached them today.

 " Yes, there have been several queries asking if the rupee symbol is applicable to black money also. The politicians who are taking money through international accounts also have a problem where they feel that instead of having so many symbols, all their black wealth should be incorporated under one symbol, making the transactions easier" Said congress spokesperson Manish Tewary.

Ambika Soni, Minister for Information and Broadcasting completely agrees. " The new symbol for corruption will show the world that India is a force to be reckoned with. Our politicans are second to none in any field, be it accumulating black wealth, or coming out with useless symbols" she said.

Deep sources within the congress have informed us that the Prime Minister is still clueless about the whole issue and is waiting to be briefed by Sonia Gandhi before taking any decisions. It is also rumored that a high level meet will be called to discuss the issue further. For now the congress has come out with a press statement saying that all problems will be dealt with in due time through Twitter.

Social commentator Suhel Seth who is also Managing Partner at Counselage has gone one step further by suggesting the symbol itself. " I think it is a great step for India" he said " Furthermore there would be no need to waste the valuable time of the hard working IITians as a symbol for corruption can be an Open Palm holding a Lotus, signyfying the Unity and participation of all parties in this matter" said Mr. Seth, Tongue firmly in cheek.

Meanwhile, in a completely unrelated development, fresh violence was reported in the Naxal hit areas due to the inability of the congress to include the maoists in the ongoing discussion on the corruption symbol.